Job Fair Fail!

So after 3 wonderful years of exclusively being a stay at home mom,  it is time for me to go back to work!  You know, so my kids can continue to life the lavish lifestyle they have become accustomed to…just kidding…but not really!  I just want to be able to contribute to the basics like food, clothing and an occasional toy, and leave the lavish stuff to their daddy and grandparents! (Hey ma!)  I have been applying to jobs online, sending out my resume and even putting myself out there and hitting up a few job fairs. (Go me!)

So today I get up, get all cute, drop my kiddos off (well the one that still lives with me…my daughter moved in with her grandparents at the beginning of the summer….YEAH BUDDY!) at my parents house and drove  40 minutes out of my way to a JOB FAIR with NO JOBS!  Yes, you read that right no jobs.  When I walked in the hotel, I had a bad feeling that I had just been set up, but I stuck around hoping I was wrong about the whole situation. (Just so you know….I wasn’t!).  I am really not the Be All You Can Be, one weekend a month type of gal! (and  there is no way I would last 9 weeks in boot camp….no matter how hard they tried to make me believe differently!), and I don’t have a year to apply for, then wait for a job to become available. (only to fail, when I can’t finish the two-hour physical fitness test…I’m just saying).   So what I actually got for my time (and my absolute cuteness) was a 15 minute pep talk, a sheet of paper, and more recruiters looking for students than jobs!  (This chick right here (pointing to myself) is so not interested in going back to anybody’s school anytime soon!)

Now I am smart girl, and I know what I am capable of doing so I am not going to go to a job fair for Mechanical Engineers or OBGYN‘s but I will however show up to a job fair that says they are going to have all types of positions available and plenty of job recruiters to meet with!  (I was bamboozled by the job fair people!)  The posting for the Job Fair actually stated that there would be companies recruiting for everything from administrative positions to banking positions. (Umm yeah that was not the case at all!)  The posting should have actually read, “We are looking for a specific type of person, with a specific set of skills, and we have no jobs available for a thirtysomething woman, who has been at home for the past 3 years taking care of babies, but we need to look like we do, and that we know what we are doing, so we are going to put up this job fair posting and make people believe that if they come out today they have a good chance of getting a job! (But we know they really don’t!)

I don’t need pep talks, and inspirational speeches, I need a job! (preferably with benefits).  I am not interested in networking speeches, (I am a little rusty, but I do know how to meet people and sell myself!), or having conversations with people who have no interest whatsoever in what I have to offer!  I am however interested in a JOB!

So for future reference, please don’t waste my cute outfit, my gas that is $3.59 a gallon, and my oh so precious time that I could have spent winning a dance challenge against my niece, on misleading JOB FAIRS with NO JOBS!  I am open however to anything EXCEPT walking the streets, swinging from a pole, and people who waste my precious time!

So the next time I get all cute and use up my gas to go to a job fair…..please do me a solid and have some freaking jobs!

Thank you and goodnight!


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