Job Fair Fail!

So after 3 wonderful years of exclusively being a stay at home mom,  it is time for me to go back to work!  You know, so my kids can continue to life the lavish lifestyle they have become accustomed to…just kidding…but not really!  I just want to be able to contribute to the basics like food, clothing and an occasional toy, and leave the lavish stuff to their daddy and grandparents! (Hey ma!)  I have been applying to jobs online, sending out my resume and even putting myself out there and hitting up a few job fairs. (Go me!)

So today I get up, get all cute, drop my kiddos off (well the one that still lives with me…my daughter moved in with her grandparents at the beginning of the summer….YEAH BUDDY!) at my parents house and drove  40 minutes out of my way to a JOB FAIR with NO JOBS!  Yes, you read that right no jobs.  When I walked in the hotel, I had a bad feeling that I had just been set up, but I stuck around hoping I was wrong about the whole situation. (Just so you know….I wasn’t!).  I am really not the Be All You Can Be, one weekend a month type of gal! (and  there is no way I would last 9 weeks in boot camp….no matter how hard they tried to make me believe differently!), and I don’t have a year to apply for, then wait for a job to become available. (only to fail, when I can’t finish the two-hour physical fitness test…I’m just saying).   So what I actually got for my time (and my absolute cuteness) was a 15 minute pep talk, a sheet of paper, and more recruiters looking for students than jobs!  (This chick right here (pointing to myself) is so not interested in going back to anybody’s school anytime soon!)

Now I am smart girl, and I know what I am capable of doing so I am not going to go to a job fair for Mechanical Engineers or OBGYN‘s but I will however show up to a job fair that says they are going to have all types of positions available and plenty of job recruiters to meet with!  (I was bamboozled by the job fair people!)  The posting for the Job Fair actually stated that there would be companies recruiting for everything from administrative positions to banking positions. (Umm yeah that was not the case at all!)  The posting should have actually read, “We are looking for a specific type of person, with a specific set of skills, and we have no jobs available for a thirtysomething woman, who has been at home for the past 3 years taking care of babies, but we need to look like we do, and that we know what we are doing, so we are going to put up this job fair posting and make people believe that if they come out today they have a good chance of getting a job! (But we know they really don’t!)

I don’t need pep talks, and inspirational speeches, I need a job! (preferably with benefits).  I am not interested in networking speeches, (I am a little rusty, but I do know how to meet people and sell myself!), or having conversations with people who have no interest whatsoever in what I have to offer!  I am however interested in a JOB!

So for future reference, please don’t waste my cute outfit, my gas that is $3.59 a gallon, and my oh so precious time that I could have spent winning a dance challenge against my niece, on misleading JOB FAIRS with NO JOBS!  I am open however to anything EXCEPT walking the streets, swinging from a pole, and people who waste my precious time!

So the next time I get all cute and use up my gas to go to a job fair…..please do me a solid and have some freaking jobs!

Thank you and goodnight!

ME!

Last Weeks Round Up

I made it through another week of P90x. (kinda sorta) I had to miss a few days (2 to be exact), but I am jumping back in the saddle today with Week 3 of P90x. (I’m so excited…….do you see the sarcasm dripping off of the page?).

Monday: Chest and Back (60 min), Ab Ripper X (16 min, but I only did half…that mess hurts!)

Tuesday: Plyometrics (60 min) this workout is always a beast, that will never changes)

Wednesday: Shoulders and Arms (60 min), No Ab Ripper X (I just could not bring myself to even try!)

Thursday: Mothers Day Tea with my baby girl!

(I am willing to give up Yoga for some time with my JadaBear…..Oh the sacrifice!)

Friday: Legs & Back (60 min), No Ab Ripper X (No energy it was too late in the day and I was tired)

Saturday: Traveled to Indianapolis to see the latest addition to the clan:

(For this cutie patootie, I would drop everything!)

Sunday: Mother’s Day! A great day spent with my family! (Yeah to all the moms who hold their families down!)

I do need to make sure I workout in the morning after I drop the kiddos off at school, the later in the day it gets the harder it is for me to focus and get a workout in. I can find a million and one things to do instead of workout in the afternoon, so it is better if I get it done in the morning.

Now if I could just learn to say no to this:

sweet chocolatey goodness!  (I don’t even like cheesecake….but that right there….lawd have mercy on me!) 

And this:

My nemesis! (I get weak around Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie…no lie!) 

So I could wear this:

Just jokes people, I would never be brave enough to wear this, but I would like to look fabulous enough to wear this  IF I wanted too!

I would be so happy!

Have a great day!

ME!

Bathroom Breaks

I don’t know about anyone else, but sometimes I go to the bathroom just to get away from my darling little angels (complete sarcasm). The little short people I gave birth too are a handful to say the least, and sometimes Mommy needs to put herself in timeout, or she might end up in somebody’s mental institution. I might need a new plan because I think the little crumb snatchers are on to me!

Without fail as soon as they hear the door to the bathroom shut, here come the questions, then the fights break out right outside the door, and they are not little fights, they are full-fledged battles complete with wrestling, screaming and stuff being thrown, followed by the threats of whooping and timeouts, plus a lifetime of punishment if they don’t leave me alone. (Apparently, they don’t think I am serious, because they still do it)

This does not happen every once in a while, this happens EVERY SINGLE DAY!

Mookie makes it his business to come right into the bathroom to have very important conversations with me, that just cannot wait until I get out (by the way he speaks very little English and a whole lot of gibberish):

Mookie: Mama you go potty?
Me: Get out Jason?
Mookie: Mama what you doing in here?
Me: GET OUT JASON!
Mookie: You brush your teeth?
Me: Boy do you hear me? Get out!
Mookie: Get out?
Me: Boy…

He then runs laughing hysterically out the bathroom. Now his sister takes a different approach all together. She stands outside the bathroom door, and yells through the door.

Jada: Mom I have to go to the bathroom.
Me: Use the one up front.
Jada: Mom are u done?
Me: What do you think Jada?
Jada: Mom, mommy, mama, mom, mommy, mama! (she got that off of the Family Guy and ran with it)
Me: Stop calling my name!
Jada: Can I have (name the most random thing you can think of) chickpeas from the South Pacific while flying over the coast of Aruba on a parasail (yes her requests are just that random and dumb)
Me: Lawd have mercy leave me alone!

Recently, they have gotten real creative. Jada will write notes and slide them under the door (yeah, I am really gonna get up to read, and respond to your notes), while Jason sticks his hands under the door, wiggles his fingers and yells, mommy can you see me?

Fun times people, fun times!

I get no peace in this house….EVER!

Cheers,

ME!